Welp! Summer is over and I hope your love life isn’t as dead as nature tends to be around this time of year. With the impending arrival of colder weather there’s one season on our minds, and I’m not talking about winter. That’s right! Cuffing season is here, right when things are starting to get a little spooky. My hypothesis? If you’ve had a successful hot girl summer then you should have a fruitful cuffing season, however there are some things that can prevent you from having a healthy transition to domestic bliss.
So let’s get into it. Here’s the 7 deadly sins of cuffing season:
First up; pride. This sin masks itself with unrealistic expectations. It’s normal to have an idea of what you look for in your partner. Standards are important and you should never bend them till the point that you have none. However, believe it or not, no one is perfect. Extremely high expectations can stunt a relationship before it even has a chance to bloom into something beautiful. Take a step back and remember to always humanize your partner and if they are falling short on your expectations, communicate! Communicate! Communicate! How else will they know? Withholding this information only means one thing; you have to lower your expectations, but in the words of Mr. Vandross: “never too much!”
Wrath looks a lot like resentment. Did you really release the trauma and pain of your last relationship? Or are you going to carry it into your next one? This sin can look differently depending on how deep your untreated resentment goes. It can start small like: “Why doesn’t she open the door for me?” and move into “She doesn’t romance me!” which can lead to belittling, nagging, calling them out their name and then some. Nip resent in the bud! Accept your partner for who they are. And if you truly cannot get past something that they do or say, bring it to their attention with a patient, kind and non confrontational tone. The worst that can happen is you’ll have to...compromise! Spooky shit indeed.
Gluttony: If you’re a workaholic, a gamer, or a social media addict, this is for you. If you’re serious about settling down this cuffing season, make sure you’re intentional about spending the most valuable asset you have with your partner, time. Make your partner a priority, it can be difficult to drop everything everytime, but..how else will you make them feel special? Even if quality time isn’t number one on their love language list, make time. It’s also the cheapest way to love your partner, some would even say it’s priceless.
Envy all boils down to you being insecure: The most unattractive trait of any person is when they dig into their insecurity and let it lead their actions. Release your inner childhood trauma sooner rather than later. You’ll continue to make yourself and your partner miserable with the asinine thoughts that run through your head if you let insecurity run a muck! It’s not your partner’s job to get rid of your insecurities either. Work through the parts of you that make you self conscious, express them to your partner, then work on them some more.
Lust is the sister of lacking of affection: You risk making your relationship platonic, or drifting into the friend zone when you are unaffectionate. Remember it’s the little things that mean the most in a partnership; a kiss on the hand, opening their car door, bringing them flowers (yes, these all apply with masc presenting womxn/people too!). Grab their face (with their consent) and tell them how much you adore them. Being loving makes you more lovable. And when it gets down to it, make them melt into you on a consistent basis. Keep it hot, and stay creative with how you physically show your love in relationships.
Sloth and complacency go hand in hand. We all get comfortable in relationships, that’s the joy of trusting your partner completely. But don’t let the comfort of your bond allow you to neglect your own personal goals or love habits you had in the beginning. It’s vital that you maintain independence in your relationship or you’ll risk becoming someone that you’re not and lose your lover all together. Keep up your positive patterns, it’s what made them fall for you in the first place.
Greed: If you’re prone to selfishness, this one's for you. Babe, maintaining your own self interest but not investing into your lovers ambition is a sin indeed. If what’s theirs is yours then what’s yours should certainly be theirs! Refrain from dismissing your lovers ambition and interests. Also don’t let them fall so deeply into you that they neglect themselves. We all love to get praised and spoiled, but it’s extremely selfish if we take all our partner has to give and return nothing of substance back to them.
Written by: Nhandi Jackson (@empressnhans)