….when love is balanced
Am I attracted to her? Do we have things in common? Will she understand me? Or will she judge me for the things that make me, me? And most importantly, can she balance me out? These are the type of questions that often run through our minds when courting a new partner. Because, at the end of the day, you are looking for a partner who not only gets you but one that can balance you out. The ying to your yang. The sun to your moon. The north to your south. Someone that can bounce off of you instead of running right into you.
And that kind of balance, that kind of exact energy, is exactly what couple Angie and Stephanie found in each other. Through time, patience, understanding and an unspoken connection that was so strong that neither one of them felt the need to acknowledge its existence–they knew they were a “them” before they even became an “us.”
How did you guys meet?
Angie: We met on Instagram and had a few mutual friends in common that I didn’t know about before sliding into her dms.. So we just followed each other on ig for a while, liked each others pictures here and there.
Stephanie: It’s like both of our closest friends were close friends but we never knew about each other.
Angie: Her close friend and my close friend were really cool, but they didn't find it necessary to introduce us in person so I just slid in her dms and she finally texted me after three long days but we were just friends at first, really platonic..we both had situations at the time so it was platonic by force, so we were friends for like a year and a half and it wasn't until 2017 that we started dating.
"I don't know, it’s just been a really fun ride, I love you."
When did you know you wanted to be with each other?
Angie: I kinda subconsciously always knew but the situations that we had.
Stephanie: We kept it at the friend level.
Angie: Yeah, just...by means of just maintaining what we had with the people that we were dealing with.
Stephanie: Yeah we had to figure things out.
Angie: We wanted those situations to run its course before we jumped into anything so we kinda both knew that we liked each other but also knew there were other people involved.
Stephanie: We never had a discussion about it though.
Angie: It was just kind of one of those unspoken things. I think we both knew probably a few months in to us being friends I think I knew I liked her more than a friend.
How long have you guys been together?
Angie: So yeah we met in January of 2016 but it wasn’t until June of 2017 that we started dating–and we are going on three years.
How would you describe your relationship with each other?
Stephanie: I would have to say we have really great communication with each other and in a relationship that's very important because a lot of things can get misconstrued and taken out of context.
Angie: I would say our relationship is very balanced, we don't argue a lot, because there's not many things to argue about, except for like the regular attitude, it happens but not often. It's very balanced we try to have a lot of fun, we come from two opposite spectrums and I’m pretty impulsive–I like to do things as soon as they come to my frontal lobe and she likes to think about every single aspect of things. Whereas I am very like let's just go and do it, let's just get dressed and go somewhere and she's like what are we going to do, so we balance each other out in that way. So balance would be my description of our relationship.
"It feels amazing. I feel like I never ran into this type of love before. Seriously, I've never felt this feeling before. It's very new and it's very fucking awesome."
In your relationship what would you say makes you feel valued by your partner?
Angie: I would say her compassion with me. I can sometimes be a little aggressive or too assertive and sometimes I'm a little reserved in explaining how I feel and she doesn't meet that with anger. She meets it with compassion. She makes my feelings feel valued and I feel valued. It feels good that someone can meet me with compassion instead of all the other hostile defensive angry ways that people can meet you.
Stephanie: I would say you make me feel very understood and not alone in the world. You get me more than anybody gets me.
If you could describe your partner using one word what would it be and why?
Angie: Damn, one word that's hard...umm, damn. You have to go first. [Speaking to Steph] So many words come into my mind. I would have to say extremely unique.
[lovedbyher] Why?
Angie: Well, so, at face value she has multiple, I guess multiple...she’s not in a mold, she’s like so many different things and different spectrums, for example one morning she’ll wake up and want to listen to alternative rock music and the next day ill wake up and she’ll be listening to super hardcore Chicago rap.
Stephanie: Well you also like super romantic movies but hardcore rap.
Angie: Nah, and the way she is she has a very wide ranging personality..she's not narrow minded and you don't find that in a lot of people and that's why I think in that sense, she's very unique.
Steph: My word I would choose is, I would like to say unique but I have to explain differently though..You are very unique because I’ve never met someone like you before like you are very intelligent but yet you're so down to earth..your mind is like super developed and you teach me new things everyday..you are also into the same type of things I'm into like painting and sewing and I don't know, it’s just been a really fun ride, I love you.
"I'm a little reserved in explaining how I feel and she doesn't meet that with anger. She meets it with compassion. She makes my feelings feel valued and I feel valued."
Your recent engagement went viral on social media. When did you [Angie] decide you were going to propose? And did you talk to her [Steph] about wanting to get married beforehand?
Angie: So it all started with our decision to relocate to Atlanta. We are both from Jersey and we’ve been living together since the beginning of 2018. We have visited Atlanta a few times which got us talking about relocating to the area...so once we started talking about relocating I was like alright [to myself] “you want to relocate with this woman thats super serious stuff”...so I realized in May of this year that my next step is wanting to propose. We kind of solidified our Atlanta move in February so it was kind of around May I woke up and I was like…”I want to marry her.” And, for me, that was really the only option, it wasn't like a back and forth thing. She had also spoke about it [marriage] a number of times before, so I knew she was going to say yes. It was just a matter of me coming to terms with that decision and making sure I was ready.
Were you surprised or were you expecting it? [Questioning Steph]
Stephanie: I was surprised as hell. I was like what is this? What are you doing? Then I was lost for words and I was super excited.
Angie: I think she knew it was going to happen she just didn't know when. Did you think I was going to propose in Atlanta?
Stephanie: I don't know, I just knew it would happen I just didn't know when.
Angie: Damn, I'm good.
is there anything you guys worry about has two queer woc planning to move to the south?
Stephanie: Yeah, we talked about having kids in Georgia.
Angie: So yeah were both born and raised in the northeast where its a little bit more accepting and more progressive and when we were talking about Atlanta and the move to Georgia..it was like we ultimately want to buy a house where we settle and raise kids. And Atlanta might be a very progressive and Metropolitan city but the state of Georgia is still very backwards when it comes to civil rights and political rights not only to people of color but queer people of color raising kids and going through that process. So we talked about it but we won’t assume, we just gotta let the fears subside and we're just going to go for it full throttle.
How does it feel to be loved by her?
Stephanie: It feels amazing. I feel like I never ran into this type of love before. Seriously, I've never felt this feeling before. It's very new and it's very fucking awesome.
Angie: I would say I feel..it feels very filling. I feel full, I feel whole being loved by her. Im fulfilled in all aspects and she somehow caters to all of my wants and needs and desires and it makes me want to do the same for her.
What does love feel like to you when it’s perfectly balanced?
Written by: Jay Hardy (@KaliforniJAY)