…when love comes easy
What does love look like when you sink a shot you weren’t even trying to take? Just ask Ashley, who followed Jahara on Twitter with no intentions of actually speaking to her but within months found herself very much in love.
Bed ridden, due to a life altering car accident the day before, Jahara didn’t see the harm in holding a conversation around dating and entrepreneurship with Ashley on Twitter. Both related to the struggles of holding multiple jobs while also trying to hold the attention of multiple people. Their conversation soon turned into a private one, where Jahara and Ashley’s shared values and similarities quickly rose to the surface.
Trying to play it cool, at first, Ashley didn’t bother asking Jahara for her number. But regardless if they were ready to admit it or not, their connection was sealed and their future together was already in writing.
Watch parts of LBH’s conversation of love with Ashely and Jahara above or read it in full below:
How did you guys meet?
Ashley: We met on Twitter. She popped up on my timeline one day, and I was like “oh, she's cute.” Let me just follow her for some eye candy you know, but I'm not going to really talk to her. So, I did that. And then two months later, I was talking about being in a relationship and being an entrepreneur and how some partners don't understand that. She kinda jumped in and was like “oh my gosh, thank you Jesus. Somebody who actually understands my life.”
Jahara: Then she asked me another question and I sent her this paragraph that included my website link and everything I'd been working on.
Ashley: Yeah. She sent me a whole bio of her entire life and everything. And at first, I was like this was just a simple tweet and I didn't really want any dialogue back and forth. But I was like, let me just go ahead and read this. So, I read it and thought it was dope.
Jahara: I was really bored. I had just gotten in a car accident the day before and I couldn't do anything and had nothing but time. I can type out my life story right now.
Ashley: Yeah. So that happened. Then she was like, by the way, I think you're cute. And I was like, oh shit, I find you very attractive too. But after that we went straight back to talking about business. It wasn't even no flirtation or anything.
Jahara: You were trying to be all cool.
Ashley: I was cool.
"Loving you is like your favorite glass of Rosé."
So, were either you nervous about meeting somebody off of social media?
Jahara: I wasn’t on social media much. And I had no idea about Lesbian Twitter. I barely had any queer friends, so I was just like, “Who is this person? Why do you know everybody on Twitter?”
So, you are completely new to Lesbian Twitter? [To Jahara]
Ashley: Yeah. Only because of me.
Did that make you more attracted to her? That she was not a part of the community? [To Ashley]
Ashley: I wouldn't say made her more attractive, but it was easier to talk to her. Sometimes when you talk to people from Twitter, you don't know who they know or what they're going to tell other people. Or if it's private or not. So, it made it easier to talk to her. And like really get to know her and not have to worry about, oh, well she gonna go back and tell them such and such.
These days we see hashtags like #WeMetOnTwitter + #FlyoutStories, but couples who meet off of social media haven’t always been as forthcoming about how they met. Have you guys always been open about your relationship’s origin story?
Ashley: So, for me, well, for the both of us, we've altered our story when we told our parents how we met.
Jahara: It's not so much a complete lie. We just tell them we met through business. I mean there was a business conversation. They just don't know that, that business conversation happened on Twitter. But I did use to joke and say that we're gonna tell our kids that we met at church instead.
Ashley: I mean, by that time, it won't even matter.
Do you guys feel like meeting off of social media changed the way you all approached getting to know one another?
Jahara: I don’t think it was that different, only because of what my circumstances were at the time. Because I had just gotten in this really bad accident and was injured, we met in person after four days of communicating. From there she came every weekend. There is usually this kind physical distance that people experience online, but we kind of never really had to get over that because I started seeing her regularly; like right away.
I understand that you all are in a long-distance relationship. What did dating in the beginning look like with the distance? And how do you all manage it now?
Ashley: For me, it’s fun. And honestly, not to make it sound bad, but I didn't really think too much about like “oh my gosh, I can't wait to see her.” I mean, I was excited to see her and looked forward to seeing her during the weekend. But the days off were good, because we like our space and we don't like to be on top of each other all the time. And also, when I'm working, I'm focused on work. So talking to her after work was also something I was able to look forward to.
Jahara: We have a routine.
Ashley: Yeah. We had a routine. I would check in with her after I got off work. And we would FaceTime all night and just look forward to hanging out with each other during the weekend.
Jahara: We both are creative so we did different types of dates via FaceTime. Certain cooking dates where we would get the same groceries and cook the same meal together. We started doing this karaoke thing where I would shuffle my playlist and we would karaoke back and forth to each other. We did movie dates where we would watch the same stuff at the same time. So, we were still watching shows together like couples do and stuff–just on the phone.
Have you all talked about moving to the same city? Or is it too early for those types of discussions?
Jahara: We did, and we kind of started talking about it early on. Not even in the sense of: are you going to move here? But just kind of getting a feel of where the other person was at as far as how committed are you to your city that you live in? Everybody's got jobs where they live, and she's been in Baltimore most of her life, and whereas I was very new to Richmond. And moving here was very symbolic for my me. So, that was thing that we discussed as far as like: are you even willing? Because I don't want to date you for a year and a half only to find out that you've no plans to ever leave the city you are in.
A lot of couples have chosen to quarantine together, especially long distance couples who are looking to take advantage of the extra time together. How has the experience been for the two of you?
Jahara: Getting in quarantine together was an accident.
Ashley: It was my weekend to come down. I work in the school system and schools had closed temporarily, so I was like, I'm just coming down for a few days and then I'm gonna go back home. But then the government shut down. I was like, oh, well, I guess I'm just stuck here.
Jahara: Yeah. It feels like we're just having our weekends together over and over again, which is really fun.
Ashley: I actually get to wake up to her, and go to sleep with her every night now versus a few days out of the week.
Jahara: And then with the pandemic, there's a lot of emotional and mental uncertainty and things that have kind of come up. And I think we both decided that having the other person here is definitely made it a lot easier to deal with opposed to being apart. Especially with my job being so affected by it and stuff. Being able to have her physically here has definitely made it a lot easier.
What kind of things are you all doing to cope with the seclusion from the rest of the world? Together and apart?
Ashley: I have cabin fever but she could stay in the house all day, every day. So, I take drives, even if I don't have a destination. And that just gives me a chance to be outside without being outside.
Jahara: I still play in my makeup. I've been doing way more elaborate looks and stuff at home just to waste time. And we take naps in separate spaces. So, when I just want to chill out and sleep in, I'll stay in the bedroom and watch TV and hang out. Or she'll come out in the living room and lounge, whereas I'll stay back in the room or we'll switch off. Just to kind of give each other that little moment where you don't feel like another person's around, and you can just breath your own air.
What kind of dates are you guys looking forward to having when the quarantine is over?
Jahara: Everything.
Ashley: Every single happy hour rooftop thing.
What does loving her look like for you?
Jahara: Loving her looks like having someone that is really built in best friend. It’s having someone to bounce ideas off of because I'm always coming up with new things for my business and new ways to help my clients. It's support. There is an age gap between us, and I'm in a stage of life that she's already experienced. So, a lot of times I'm experiencing things for the first time that she's done many times. Like, this is my first time living more than 20 minutes away from my parents. And this is my first relationship that my parents have accepted. So, that's a whole new like nesting ground.
And every day is an exciting adventure. Even if it's somewhat of a monotonous routine. There's always some fun involved. We're always laughing. We are literally cracking each other up all the time, and so that, that sense of fun and knowing that this person is committed to me and knowing that I feel secure in this situation is really, really cool.
Ashley: So, we do this thing where we have favorites, whether it's favorite food, favorite movies or whatever. Loving you was like your favorite glass of Rosé.
She gives me a sense of security that I've never had in any relationship, and I am about to be 32. I can be myself 100%, and that's so important to me because in the past I've had to walk on eggshells or dim my light a little bit. And I'm a Leo, we don't like having to dim our light. And she's like: turn it up. She's my hype man. She is my best friend. I was complete when I met her, but it's like [now], you know that cliché, with the cherry on top.
I can talk to her literally about anything, anything without judgment.
And sometimes I just look at her and I'm like, dude, this is really us. We're really here. This is a thing. She's is everything that I've wanted and manifested and then some. I wouldn't want to be with anybody else.
Written by: Kee Simone, LBH Editor-in-Chief (@thebaddiegalore)