#GetTheStrap: The Battle of the Harnesses


Let’s talk sex toys. There is one genre of sex toys that reigns supreme in the lesbian and queer community - “the strap.”


“The strap” simply put, is a dildo secured by a harness worn around the waist. Dildos come in a large variety of shapes; sizes; colors; balls, no balls, detachable balls; some even vibrate (though most don’t but you can attach a vibrating cock ring to them all). And usually can be worn in two harness choices: the traditional harness and the brief harness.


The traditional harness typically consists of a triangular shape pad that rests against the public bone. Atop the pad is a detachable rubber O-ring, connected to this ring are four straps that wrap around the hips and around the base of both butt cheeks. The dildo is placed in the O-ring for use. All pieces are usually black. Another relatively new choice is the briefs harness. This style consists of cotton underwear in the shape of boxer briefs or briefs with a built in O-ring that sits on the pubic bone. The dildo is placed in the O-ring for use.


Each harness has its pros and cons.The traditional harness specifications are as followed: butt and vagina exposed, rigid, sits high, straps are hanging, one size fits all, and is compatible with dildos with balls. The brief harness specifications contrast: butt and vagina covered, flexible (but not loose if it’s loose you need a smaller size), sits low, nothing hanging but the dildo, sized by waistline, is not compatible with dildos with balls, easy to put on and the harness must be washed frequently.


Personally, I’ve used both over the years and own two of each. Contrary to public opinion, I prefer the brief harness. I enjoy how easy it is to put on - there is no need to make adjustments, just slip them on like underwear. The flexibility allows for more positions and angles as compared to the rigidity of the traditional harness. The dildo hangs a bit instead of sticking straight out. Flexible, but yet I still have control. I feel very connected to and comfortable in my brief harness. And I’ve had zero partners complain. While I am fond of the brief harness if a partner asks for the traditional harness I’ll switch it up without a problem.


Pro Tips:

  1. Attach your dildo to the harness before you intend to use it, assembling it between foreplay and sex is a huge no no.

  2. Please make sure you are one with your strap - practice putting it on and taking it off.

For some the strap is the cornerstone of their sex lives, for others it is only used on occasion and some don’t use the strap at all. But always remember, one strap doesn't fit all. Find the strap that works for both you and your partner.


For all my strap users, and those being penetrated, have you tried the brief harness?


Written by: Ashley Clark (@GoldieFro)