Two souls, destined to become one.
...when love has no fear
It’s not uncommon in 2019 to use social media to meet your next potential love interest. In fact, it is becoming less common for couples to meet in more traditional ways like at a bar or in a grocery store. Social media has changed the course of the average dating experience, allowing for like minded souls who might have never known one another otherwise to meet and build a life together. People often say that you can’t truly know or judge a person based off of what they post on social media, but for Jax and Jacob, social media is where their interest in each other sparked. While Jax and Jacob are no different than the other 60% of same-sex and queer couples that meet their partner online, they are unique. They fell in love with each others words far before anything else.
For them, time made no difference on how they chose to both define and progress their love for one another. Marrying soon after meeting, Jax and Jacob have felt no regrets on the trajectory of their relationship. As two black queer transmen re-learning how to navigate through life–their paths are both similar in theory and destined to be paved as one.
How did you and your partner meet?
Jax: Me and him actually met via twitter.
What drew you to each other?
Jax: When I picked him up for our first date it felt like I had known him for years. His vibe meshed so well with mine and that’s ultimately what drew me to him.
Jacob: He has a very strong, captivating energy.
When did you know you wanted to be together?
Jax: After our date I knew I’d be dumb if I didn’t make him mine.
Jacob: After he came to Austin from Killeen on a whim after a really dramatic situation with my family happened.
Describe your relationship.
Jax: It’s a very beautiful, goofy, healthy relationship. I’m very grateful for the relationship I have with him.
What does it mean to be (open, poly, non monogamous?)
Jax: Me and him are non monogamous, and to me that means feeling free to love others without anyone feeling a way about it because they understand that love is meant to be shared.
Does heteronormativity ever creep into your relationship?
Jax: Absolutely not.
What are some things you agree on? What do you disagree about?
Jax: We agree with how we want our relationship to go because we want to be happy. Most of the time we are disagreeing about my food opinions lmao.
Jacob: We’re pretty agreeable, but his stance on food and flavors really pisses me off sometimes, lol.
"Loving him feels like a breath of fresh after you’ve been drowning in your life."
Do you believe in sacrifice for each other?
Jax: Yeah kinda we both have made a sacrifice or we have both compromised for each other.
Jacob: Yep but never to the point of losing yourself.
How do you handle conflict?
Jax: I’ve gotten better about how I handle it, any conflict that might occur I just make sure we communicate when we both are level headed.
Jacob: Space and communication.
How do you deal with external factors that may shake your relationship?
Jax: We just eventually talk them out so that we both can express how we feel about the external factors that may pop up.
Jacob: Jax is good at staying grounded through stuff like that, which helps me a lot. And we just communicate through stuff.
How has your individual transitions affected your relationship?
Jacob: It’s just easier to be with another trans masculine person because they know how I feel and exactly how to make me feel comfortable.
How do you love through such transition and change?
Jax: Even though we are both at different stages of our transition I just try to give him the things he needs or help him with things since I’ve gone through them already.
Jacob: I see his heart.
Did your experience with love change after you transitioned?
Jax: Yes very much so.
Jacob: Yeah I know and love myself more
so I’m not looking for it in other people.
Do you feel accepted in the queer community as a trans couple?
Jax: It’s about 50/50 but at the end of the day me and him don’t care who accepts us or not.
Jacob: Yeah I live in Austin so there’s a lot of trans couples here anyways.
What are your love languages?
Jax: I’m huge on actions but I also love to be told how I make someone feel loved or appreciated. Physical touch is my biggest love language so that’s really how I like receiving affection.
Jacob: Physical touch and small actions are my biggest love languages.
"I wouldn’t change anything about him. I want him to be him because I know for a long time he was being someone he knew he wasn’t."
What makes you feel valued in a relationship?
Jax: Just feeling like I’m being heard & being appreciated by him.
If you could describe your partner with one word, what would it be? Why?
Jax: Genuine; he’s very caring when it comes to the people in his world. He always keeps it completely real with me even if I don’t want to hear what he says.
Jacob: Courageous. Falling in love and being in a committed relationship is scary, but he went for it head on. And he kills all the bugs.
What is one thing you would change about your partner?
Jax: I wouldn’t change anything about him. I want him to be him because I know for a long time he was being someone he knew he wasn’t.
Jacob: His food tastes lol.
How does it feel to be loved by him?
Jax: Like a breath of fresh after you’ve been drowning in your life.
Jacob: Like lying out on the beach and feeling the sun warm my heart.
What does love look like to you when it has no bounds?
Written by: Jay Hardy (@KaliforniJAY)