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The Queer Dating Guide for New Gays

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Bisexual girls that have been with men most of their lives, and that have been conditioned by society to only deal with men in a romantic way, can sometimes feel nervous about their attraction to other womxn.

To others, bi girls are getting the best of both worlds when it comes to their experiences in the dating world, but that’s simply not the case. Because while striking up a conversation with another womxn might be a lot easier, we are all not born with “gaydar.” We could be striking up a conversation with a very straight girl who is a little flirtatious and literally have no idea.

Which makes me pose the question, if you’re a bi girl, or even a newly outed lesbian who has never dated a girl before, how do you act on it? How do you go about pursuing another womxn you are attracted to or have a crush on?

For me, I’m very shy, so oftentimes I don’t express it and just admire from afar. But since I’ve met a womxn I really like, I’ve been brainstorming ways that I could truly romantically pursue her.

So to help myself and all the other girls that are new to the queer dating world, here’s my How-To Guide for Dating Womxn for New Gays:

Act Natural. Whether you know her or not, just have a conversation. Every girl finds

comfort in being able to talk to another girl about something relatable. Try to watch what men do and do the opposite. We’ve seen when guys try too hard or are too aggressive, cocky and arrogant. So, be friendly, warm, and genuine. It goes a long way.

Be Consistent. If you find a positive response or a reciprocated energy from her, offer to

exchange phone numbers or social media info if she doesn’t say it first. This way you keep the conversation going and create a clear line of communication moving forward. Make her aware that not only are you available, but you want to be available to her.

Keep that Same Energy. If you have a real interest, don’t ghost her. But also don’t be

too clingy. Thats when things get blurry. Quarantine is a good excuse to do check up texts or dms that strike up a conversation. But don’t overdo it and scare her off. Try to find the perfect balance.

Learn Her. A girl appreciates when someone notices the little things that most people

typically ignore about her. Be the person who remembers. Get to know who she is and what she likes. Also, if you can, find out if she actually likes womxn at all, and if she does, you’re in the clear. If not, there’s still time to become her friend if you all get along that well.

Be A Planner. If you can make dates to hang out, do it. Virtual dates are a real thing and can be a lot of fun. The more communication and comfort there is, the more she’ll open up. If all goes well, you’ll be having the mutual feeling talk. It can seem terrifying, but if it feels right give it a shot. Give yourself a new norm. I can say I’ve given up my toxic cycles with men to pursue her now and it just feels right.

Written by: Josephine C. (@ColouredSpirit_)


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