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Girls, let the government and our apparently smart city officials tell it, the COVID-19 pandemic is basically over. Mask mandates and vaccine card requirements have been dropped, and it seems like society is going back to business as usual. I personally don’t believe them and will continue to be wearing my mask, however, I am looking forward to dating with a more open outside. And why is that you ask? Simple, because dating in quarantine was one of the worst, if not the worst, dating experiences I have ever had.
As someone who genuinely prefers face to face interactions and quality time over Facetime calls and zoom dates, being confined to my house while also trying to get to know the handful of women I thought were all the potential loves of my life was debilitating at best. Let’s be real, I hated it. But I will say, the experience taught me some important things about myself and my love languages that I otherwise wouldn't have known. And I know most of the content on this platform caters to the lover girls and bois out there, this post is for the single fem in the city trying to figure her love life shit out as much as she possibly can.
So what did I learn while dating in quarantine? Let’s get into it.
Opposites do not attract when it comes to living through a pandemic. I am going to be honest with you all, my ex and I were one of the first waves of couples that did not make it in the pandemic. I want to say that we maybe lasted three months around each other 24/7 before we realized how truly incompatible we were. And while we broke up for many reasons, one of the biggest was that we approached how to handle the pandemic so differently. Now, I won’t say which one of our approaches was right vs wrong, but it did make me realize, “what would you do if there was a viral outbreak?” needed to be added to my line of first date questions moving forward.
Being vaccinated and being tested now go hand in hand. I can’t even begin to tell you all how many anti-vax lesbians I discovered in this pandemic. Like? A very alarming large number of them. Having initial conversations with women that I thought I could be interested in just to learn that not only will they not vaccinate themselves, they didn’t plan to vaccinate our children we weren’t going to have in the future was rather discouraging. And we are talking about at the height of the pandemic when thousands of folks were dying EVERY SINGLE DAY, but you can’t even be bothered to wear your mask around elderly people? Baby, that is just a character flaw I cannot ignore. And someone who distrusts doctors and science so much surely doesn’t go to get tested on the regular. It was a very fat N O for me.
Quarantine or not, you need to have a life outside your partner. Listen, I had way too much idle time on my hands at the height of the pandemic. As someone who was deathly afraid of even leaving her house for the majority of the past two years, I spent a lot of my time basically waiting around on my couch for whoever I was dating to give me attention. Which gave me too many opportunities to be more worried about what they were doing or not doing versus being worried about myself. Like, girl, why have you noticed they have favorited the same girl’s photo ten times in a row. STAND UP. Whether it was just going to my best friend’s house for wine night or taking up lego building as a new hobby; having interests outside of my partner was vital to what kind of partner I was to them. When outside is open, I am usually too busy out and about with my girls to notice those little petty things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Facetime dates are basically propaganda pushed on us by food delivery apps. Look, I get it, for my long distance lovers (which usually includes me) being able to get that quality time with your partner any way you can is always a win. But man, Facetime dates are really nothing compared to in person dates. Getting dressed up with a full face of makeup and a fresh fit just to sit in front of a propped up phone just doesn’t hit the same. And now that outside is opening back up, and your girl is fully vaccinated, I won’t be agreeing to any Facetime dates in the near future. Better yet, after these past two years, I would like to dramatically decrease the amount of time I spend on Facetime with the person I date in general. It almost became a replacement for actual face to face quality time, and that just goes against everything my love languages believe in. Don’t just call me, pull up on me.
If they want to, they will. Even during a viral outbreak. I have never really had issue with women making the time to come see and spend time with me, but there have been a few who rather be pen pals than actual romantic partners who are actively putting effort towards one another. And, like, why would I deal with that when there are women who were willing to get COVID tested every time they were coming to see me? Or who would routinely have wine and fresh flowers delivered to my house when they physically couldn't be there? Your bare minimum wasn’t acceptable before or during the pandemic and won’t be accepted after it.
Written by: Kee Simone, LBH Editor-in-Chief (@thebaddiegalore)